Box of Mystery

You know I said that I wasn’t going to talk to anyone else from the dating site whilst I was “dating”? Well, I lied. Or, to be more accurate, I omitted one tiny detail. One of the two who I particularly wanted to get to know a bit more I have got to know a bit more (flirt and sex free, I might add). There does not appear to be a “spark” (as in “let’s shag”), but we seem to have become quite good conversation-partners over the last week on the phone and via e-mail. I believe that is the way that it is going to continue, but there is an interesting niggling thing which I would like to run by the collective girl-to-boy dictionary crowd in case anyone has any wisdom to offer.

Now, obviously I fancy her a little. Well, quite a bit actually, but I’m more than happy to just remain friends: it gives me another valuable female perspective on things which I’m clearly not qualified to decide all by myself: indeed, she’s actively encouraged me to get out there and date people.

Waiting for the but?

Wait no longer. Here it is…

Something strange happened this evening and I’ve no idea what it was or why it happened. Here’s the story: we’ve talked a lot. She tells me (as everyone else has) that I’m not ready for something complex and that she wouldn’t date me anyway because she’s so convinced that my non-readiness means I need something a little more casual (ok, so I’m taking everyone’s advice except from my own, but I’m going somewhere with this, I promise…)

Despite this fact (platonic, platonic, platonic!) I appear to have been tested in some way. She did a pretty good hatchet job on herself, physical attractiveness wise (utterly unjustified, I might add, having seen a picture of her), and e-mailed me a picture of her friend with a “we might be coming up to your neck of the woods near to easter, do you want to come and meet with us if that happens?”

Well, of course, my answer was yes! It would be a pleasure to meet her having spent so much time chit-chatting. Her friend (and don’t get me wrong here, her friend is attractive) was meeting her on-and-off boyfriend, thus it seemed like a good foursome with perhaps dinner, nice company, nice conversation and some good wine.

Now, for some reason, she expected me to fancy her friend. Apparently, I was meant to pick up on the “on-and-off” bit and spy an opportunity to sneak on in there and get on with her friend more than her. I don’t know her friend, but I am beginning to know her (I think, but sometimes I’m not sure how much I know anyone, really). I saw this as an opportunity to meet her and failed to notice right up until she became almost blunt about it: she’d expected me to say something completely different.

So I asked her, “I don’t understand. I want to meet you, she’s taken – why are you so adamant that I like her?”

It turns out it was some kind of test. A test to see if I was shallow – if I could see beyond someone’s cute body and attractive face to see what was underneath, indeed, if I even cared what was underneath. It was a set-up. And I didn’t bite. So I passed.

My question to my three readers that ever respond (and anyone else who feels that they can offer some thoughts on this subject) would be:

Why?

Why the test if we’ve already established that we’re going to be just friends and that I should date someone as a matter of urgency?

Surely someone’s shallowness is obvious in other ways during conversation, thus I fail to see the requirement to be tested.

I suspect that I was subjected to one of these tests last year, but was blissfully unaware that it was taking place until it was too late. Maybe I’m a little more observant this time around, or maybe the examiner wasn’t quite so subtle as my ex-girlfriend.

If there is one thing that really sinks my battleship it is games in relationships. In fact, my entire skeleton shakes when people play unnecessary games in any aspect of their lives. Why bother? Isn’t everything complicated enough without the cloak and daggers approach to learning about someone?

What test are you taking today that you’re not aware of?

Either that, or I ask too many questions. Hmmmm…

Life, eh?