Box of Mystery

The title is an actual search term someone used that found my blog. Don’t know if it was any help, given my complete inability to figure out when a girl fancies me. I’m therefore not sure if I can be any help at all – but I’ll give it a shot from my perspective. I recognise that this is bolting the door after the horse has buggered off with regards to the person who searched, but still, it makes an interesting discussion point given how much wine I’ve drunk.

Let’s assume that we’re in a bar. Obviously, the process for me involves several steps. The first of which involves the visual appearance. I’ve given some of my impressions as to what attracts me at “first glance” but that’s the initial ticket (cute smile, friendly face, cute bottom = good). Usually, I’d then try for an “extended glance” — try and catch your eye contact and hold it for longer than would be normal for just “looking around”. Several discrete looks later I’m trying to establish if you’re looking at me in the same way: holding the glances for longer than is strictly necessary. This is my first give-up point, if there is such a phrase – so if you’re playing hard to get by ignoring me, I’m waaaay to simple to understand that game, I’ll just think I’m annoying you and take nine steps back.

Depending on how much I’ve drunk, one of two things is now going to happen: the shy option or the bold option. If I’m still sober, then I’ll attempt the “synchronised toilet trip/drinks refill” classic – you go to the bar, I go to the bar. Or, I try and bump into you either on the way to or from the facilities. Either way, I get to verify whether our extended stares can turn into a conversation. The bold option is to go right up to you and introduce myself at flirt-factor 5, Mr Sulu (and step on it). For some odd reason I’ve never adequately come up for an explanation for, this is easier abroad than in my own country.

The conversation is stage 2: intellectual match. Now, my ability to do this effectively clearly depends on the amount I’ve had to drunk, but regardless, I can tell the difference between “idle chit-chat that’s going no-where” and “an intellectual connection”. If we go for the latter, then I will start making a super-special effort; especially if eye contact is good. I’ve learnt from lessons over a decade ago that I’m pretty poor at spotting when the fairer sex fancies me, but I at least did learn something from that experience: so I know a few things I can look for (it’s still usually a complete surprise when it happens).

So we’re talking. This now gives me an excuse to slide over to your table to say hello, perhaps include you in the next round, and generally see how things go. Either way, it’s a case of exploring in random directions and seeing what happens: it has been a long, long time since I’ve done all this and it looks increasingly likely that it’ll all be coming back to me real soon. If we end up swapping phone numbers or e-mail addresses (and yours turns out to be real rather than fake :-), then, well, who knows?

So girls: it is extended eye contact combined with the sneaky top-to-bottom body-scan that will clue you in to the first signs that he thinks you’re kinda cute, but honestly, you are much more in control of these situations than the male is :-)

Perhaps things would indeed be simpler if we could just go back to the old times as karalina kidded the other day: Me Tarzan, you Jane, let’s fuck. (or, better still, let’s see it the other way around girls :-))